This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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