Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
