No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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