I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My penis needs a shock collar
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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