Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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