There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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