your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
