i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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