no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
