I just pynch a tree in the face
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
