i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
