WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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