you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
