At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
