The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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