I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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