I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
is it fun? or sober?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
