oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
