wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
