I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
