Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
