Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
