i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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