I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
