Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize