bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And then he peed in my hair
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