i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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