she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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