I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
