so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
