OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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