So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
God, I missed his penis.
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