this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
