i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
