this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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