escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize