omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
