You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
