clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she looked like the before picture.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
