I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
