No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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