We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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