there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
