just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
