She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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