Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
