What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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