The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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