Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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