Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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