Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
