my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
