I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
