someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
