It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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