He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
