yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
someone threw a dead crab at me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
