watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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