Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
