i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
