Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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