Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
