I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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