my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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