found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
