Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
