I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
