If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
