if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
