Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize