i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
