Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just gift wrapped bread.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
